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Indulging in a little whine

Yesterday concluded with a scattered collection of frustrated, unproductive,“why me-poor me” thoughts wisping through my mind, which, instead of being blown away by a good night’s sleep, have now managed to amass themselves into a gloomy cloud that is currently hovering over my head and spoiling my morning.

shatteredheartWHY does everything to do with food and eating always have to be such a huge issue in my life?

WHY did I have to be dealt the fat hand instead of the slim one?

WHY can’t I have a secret problem instead of one that’s so blatantly obvious to everyone who looks at me?

I’ve been greatly encouraged by working through The Beck Diet Solution, and I know that I have the power to change my life. I have been completing the daily tasks, taking control and making better choices, replacing bad habits with good… and already I notice a marked difference in my response to food-related issues.

But sometimes it’s a challenge to stay upbeat and positive ALL the time.

Maybe it’s normal and natural to feel this way at this stage of the mind-changing game. Perhaps it’s all part of some sort of bizarre grieving process, as it were – mourning over old ways that must now die… over a loss of freedom to eat what I want, when I want… over the realization of my own shortcomings and weakness.

I don’t know. But I do know that I really don’t like it.

I will feel better soon. I’ll carry on doing what I need to do, and won’t allow myself to wallow for long in this little puddle of self-pity.

But for the moment, please bear with me as I indulge in a little whine.


Laurel Storey, CZT – Certified Zentangle Teacher. Writer, reader, tangler, iPhoneographer, cat herder, learner of French and Italian, crocheter, needle felter, on-and-off politics junkie, 80s music trivia freak, ongoing work in progress.