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On NOT feeling like a grownup

This month I celebrated my 47th birthday – that’s right, 47 big ones – but you know what? I still don’t feel like a grownup. Yep. I’m knock-knock-knockin’ on 50’s door – the half-century mark, a concept that sometimes makes me choke a little – yet I don’t ACTUALLY feel like a grownup.

I realized this odd phenomenon awhile back, and tried to put some of my thoughts about it into writing:

I am a responsible adult.

I have a good job, which enables me to earn money to pay my bills and put food on the table.

I have a mortgage, which provides me with the opportunity to own a lovely home.

I have a newer, fuel efficient vehicle, which allows me to get from Point A to Point B and places in between.

I am a responsible adult.

I support myself and those in my care.

I fulfill my responsibilities and am accountable for my actions.

I am a responsible adult.

So… when will I start feeling like a grownup?

100 Words by Laurel Regan (dawni), 07/09/2008

It’s a puzzling concept.

But you know what I’ve figured out?

It doesn’t matter.

That’s right – it doesn’t matter. It really, really doesn’t. As long as I’m a responsible adult, why should it matter that I don’t feel like a grownup? Why should I feel the need to apologize for or be embarrassed by it? And why on earth should I let it bother me that I don’t?

The fact is, I shouldn’t.

So because it doesn’t and I shouldn’t, I have decided to take things a step further and actually embrace my non-grownup-edness (see, I just proved it!) and even take time to celebrate it.

As a small example… after I bought my pretty new planner, I started following several Filofax fan groups on Facebook, where in some cases people were sharing photos of the various ways they’ve embellished and decorated their planner pages using coloured pens, stickers, washi tape, and so on. What a waste of time and money, chided the disapproving, “responsible adult” part of my brain. That’s really NOT very grownup. Yet at the exact same time the enthralled, non-grownup part (the part that could spend HOURS in an office supply store) was getting excited about ways that I could decorate my own planner.

It wasn’t much of a war, actually. The non-grownup part won easily. And, because of my new embracing and celebrating attitude, I feel pretty great about it.

I decided yesterday that I’d take myself out for my very first Artist Date of the year today (part of my creative resolution to work through The Artist’s Way in 2014). An Artist Date, for the unenlightened, is explained on Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” site as follows:

The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you. The Artist Date need not be overtly “artistic” – think mischief more than mastery. Artist Dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about the play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well of images and inspiration. When choosing an Artist Date, it is good to ask yourself, “what sounds fun?” — and then allow yourself to try it.

Seems to me like a shopping trip for creative planner embellishment supplies would fit that description perfectly!

So that’s what I did. I hit several dollar, office supply, craft, and stationery stores (preceded by breakfast and fueled midway with a stop for Starbucks) and purchased several inexpensive little treats to delight my inner child and stimulate my burgeoning artist:

A selection of fun sticky notes, flags, and tags…


…two eye-catching zippered cases to contain my pens and supplies…


…and a little silvertone “L” charm (along with the necessary clips and findings) to attach to the rings of my planner.


Simple and frivolous as my purchases may have been, my travels throughout the day gave me several ideas for future projects, and I was left at the end of it all with a renewed sense of creative energy.

So here’s to NOT feeling like a grownup… and – more importantly – to embracing and celebrating the fact!

Do YOU feel like a grownup?
Please share!

NaBloPoMo January 2014

Ultimate Blog Challenge

Laurel Storey, CZT – Certified Zentangle Teacher. Writer, reader, tangler, iPhoneographer, cat herder, learner of French and Italian, crocheter, needle felter, on-and-off politics junkie, 80s music trivia freak, ongoing work in progress.